In May 2022 my friend Rachel took me to a book presentation by Şeyda Kurt. From the participants, who were young and alternative, I could guess that the writer was in and trending. So I bought the book on the spot to have it autographed later.

I thought the book launch would be about gender equality because Rachel likes to read books along those lines, too. But the subtitle on the cover of the book had the word “Love” in it. I skeptically asked the salespeople directly, then later Rachel (who then laughed out loud), „Is this book about love?“ And I was like, “No please, not about f*cking romantic love…”

No, I haven’t had a disappointed relationship. If someone ask me about my romantic status, I say „I’m happily single!“. I would like to first tell my point of view about romantic love before I name three points why Şeyda Kurt’s book fascinates me so much.

I grew up in very typical and conservative Turkish family. I spent most of my childhood in the kitchen with Turkish women. That’s why I would prefer meeting Turkish women in the kitchen today to a VIP party. It makes me feel good and like a kid again. Since I was already very curious and creative as a child, I passionately learned to cook and decorate our home. Turkish women said to me, that I would later become a very good wife. That was the greatest compliment these women could give anyone. Because husbands mattered.

In the Turkish family life of my days, the television was always on. And in the background, there was a series, mostly about romantic love. Men were strong and allowed to make mistakes and women were naïve, kind, well-behaved and always forgave men. In the end everyone was happy.

I am a curvy 37-year-old woman. They told me in my 20s, men like skinny women. My answer today, I give a f*** what men like. Since I was focused on my academic education and career (it’s worth mentioning, I’m the first and only academic educated person in my family) I wasn’t looking for men or marriage. They said, women in their 30s start ticking their biological clocks. They said, men don’t like older women.

While society was questioning every single part of my body as well as my dreams (= My existence on this earth), instead of continuing to burden myself with feelings of shame, I began to question society’s values. And first of all, I seriously questioned the roles in the romantic relationship and sacred marriage!

And this is exactly where I meet Şeyda Kurt’s book “Radikale Zärtlichkeit – Warum Liebe politisch ist?” (= Radical Tenderness – Why Love is Political?).

To my positive surprise, the day the book was launched, it wasn’t about a story about how two people find each other. Rather, Şeyda Kurt takes a close look at romantic love in her book. The book is brilliant because it is scientific, creative and personal.

Scientific

A good book that deals with the past, present and future. That’s exactly what Şeyda Kurt does in her book. For example, it deals with the theories of Karl Marx and very interesting studies from our current time. In addition, at the end of the book, she gives us an outlook on how romantic love could develop in the future, in times of digitization. This kind of research and different perspectives makes Şeyda Kurt an innovative and talented young journalist and author.

Creative

The way the stories and facts are told is very creative and the reader never gets bored. Sometimes she talks to Karl Marx in a dialogue. Sometimes it refers to a Turkish song, or it describes a film that cannot easily be told so briefly and so interestingly. The reason why People of Color in Germany are so important in journalism and in the media is, because they bring different perspectives and arouse great interest, like Şeyda Kurt.

Personally

The author gives much of herself, her childhood and romantic relationships in this book. She shows vulnerability in her words and that’s what makes her authentic and likeable.

Şeyda Kurt did it. With her book, she managed to attract a great deal of attention and interest in German society. But above all, she has managed to get young women to question the distribution of roles in love more and more radically. The distribution of roles, which plunges many women into misfortune, steals their lifetime. The lifetime, women put in search of romantic love or commitment of relationships. The lifetime, that women don’t invest in self-actualization.

And me, I did it too. I managed to free myself from the shackles and constraints of society. I am writing these blog articles from a café in Paris, the City of Love. Romantic love is not by my side today, not in my heart or in my mind. I take my last sip of latte and close my laptop. I ask the waiter with my newly learned French (I’ve practiced for a long time) to give me the bill. Then I get up and walk the streets of Paris with my curvy body in my red high heels. Without longing, hope or expectation of romantic love. But full of dreams, contentment, and LOVE FOR MYSELF.